I know you care about what people think, we've been over that. But I don't understand how this summer it changed from us being best friends to this. I knew you cared that my brother thought we were in a relationship, but now we can't even like, have a conversation or anything? Hell, I miss when you were hurting over that boy because then I was able to call and help you through it.
You apologized four days ago that you treated me like shit, and you knew you did. Now you don't and haven't? That makes so little sense to me. I don't want to fight with you, God knows would do everything and anything for you... except pretending we aren't friends is beyond my limits. I'm not taking shots at you, trying to get you angry, or any of that. I'm just trying to explain.
The reason I act different is because I don't want people thinking I'm weak, that would be grade nine first semester all over again. You don't know what that's like. It's not that I care what people think, it's the change that comes with that. Do you know what it's like losing all, ALL, of your friends? Being told that a video game is more important then hanging out with people you haven't seen in two months? That you're too fucked up to be friends with? I highly doubt it.
I'm not perfect, far from it, but I've been as real to you as I possibly can be, I've never broken your trust, and I'm certainly tried never to hurt you. I still want you as a friend, I do in fact love you despite what you think. I just want things the way they used to be. I want my life to be way it used to be. I guess some things just can't happen. I'm thinking, if next weekend is the same as this past one, I might just do all the weed and beer I was offered. Nothing else is working to try getting through all this shit.
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